Most Christian married couples are familiar with Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife”. We understand this because as much as you may love and respect your parents sometimes their good intentions can cause problems in the marriage.
But what about children? Can your bond and love for your child likewise cause problems in the marriage? The answer is yes! There was a couple that had two boys. One boy was athletic and liked to play outside and the father bonded with him. The other boy liked to read and play music and the mother bonded with him. The bonding itself is not a problem as long as there is not preferential treatment and favoritism involved; as long as it does not supersede the bond that the husband and wife have for each other.
How do you know when you are crossing the line in this area? If you are planning a surprise for your spouse that’s one thing. Otherwise, if your conversation with your child involves the phrase, “Don’t tell your mamma” or “Don’t tell your daddy” you’ve crossed the line. You are developing an unhealthy bond that has the potential to undermine your marriage.
Most healthy marriages involve couples saying, “We’re not going to keep any secrets from each other.” But for some reason when it comes to our children we often feel we can break that rule. We joke about daddy’s little girl or mamma’s little man, but it’s not a joke. Especially when a spouse won’t lift a finger for their mate, but will do anything for the child. You have to protect your marriage from your children.
Do you remember Rebekah and Isaac in the Bible? Rebekah was aligned with their son Jacob who was the thinker. Isaac was aligned with their son Esau who was the hunter and outdoors type. Those alignments caused a misalignment with the vision for their household.
Rebekah was thinking, “Isaac is getting ready to die anyway so I might as well start setting things up the way I want them to be.” Her fear that her favorite son would not be treated fairly led to betraying her husband. Yes, Isaac was dying, but who knows how much longer he would have lived had he not had to also deal with the pain of his wife betraying him.
Love your kids. Bond with your kids. But never let that love and that bond interfere with the love and bond you should have for your spouse. Protect your marriage from your children!
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