It’s hard to be happy in life or in marriage without a clear definition of happiness. Remember the song, "If you're happy AND YOU KNOW IT clap your hands."? The great revelation from this song is we can be happy and not even know it! How? The world’s definition of happy is based on feelings; get something that you want or need and feel good! The Bible’s definition of happy means to be fortunate, well off, or blessed; get something that you want or need. Period! We like the world’s idea better because we’re hooked on feelings that we let rule us and that’s what so often makes us unhappy. Sure our spouses will sometimes disappoint us, but if we’re still blessed, fortunate, or well off, we are …Happy!
We’re not going to always feel good about things in our marriages and we need to be okay with that. Current feelings will blind you to what God has done in the past and cripple you from walking in what God has in your future.
When the Bible talks about upbeat emotions it uses words like joy and gladness which are mostly associated with God. For example, “Serve the Lord with gladness” or “The joy of the Lord is my strength”. So the best emotional fulfillment in marriage comes from investing more time into a relationship with God which is then shared with your spouse. Otherwise we will wonder, “Why am I so unhappy in my marriage?”.
Our spouses are not capable of providing the sustained joy and fulfillment that comes from God. That’s not letting your spouse off the hook. That’s giving you stability by helping you disembark that emotional roller coaster. The world's definition of happy keeps us from subscribing to anything that doesn’t feel good. But when we use God’s definition of happy, we value our future over our feelings.
Be liberated in the fact that it is not your job to constantly make your spouse feel happy. Each of us needs to cultivate a love relationship with God and not put unrealistic pressure on our spouse to keep us emotionally high. When we allow God to be the source of our joy and gladness, we may come to realize just how happy we are in our marriage.
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